I'm just so confused. I'm so confused about who You are. I know what Your Word says, and I know who You are supposed to be, but I'm so confused as to who You are to me. Who You are supposed to be to me. I'm hurt, that much I know. I'm broken, and I'm angry. Everybody knows that now...My head knows all these things about you that I'm suppsed to know. I know that You haven't left me, haven't left us. I know that You haven't lied. I know that you do not withold any good thing from your children. I know that you have a plan, and I know that your love remains with me, and that your love is perfect. I know that things happen and sometimes you turn your head, because you hate to see your children hurt, you hate to see us in pain, but you know the greater picture. Just like Your Son Jesus, after He had been beaten and bruised and nailed upon a cross, He cried out, "Father Why Have You forsaken me?" And you turned your head away from Him---because you knew the whole story, you knew the outcome, and you couldn't bare to see him in pain...and now 2000 years later, you are turning your head away from me because you know the whole story. You are allowing this pain, this hurt because you know the whole story....I don't understand it and I am mad at you for it...but I have to trust that you really do know the whole story, and that You really do love me more than I can even think or imagine...because if I can't know this, then there really is no point is there?...this life would be hell on earth...So, even in my brokeness, even in my pain, in my anger I say thank you. THank you for loving me, thank you for seeing the whole story, for loving me enough to want the ABSOLUTE best for me, no matter how much that hurts!
My final thought is this: IF my God is for us, then who could ever stop us? and if our God is with us, then what could stand against us. With YOU, ANYTHING is possible...and this is what I'm striving to grab a hold of...
My head KNOWS all these things...and maybe my soul does too, but my heart? My heart doesn't seem to believe in any of it right now...
Broken still,
Andrea
Andrea: You are so open and honest w/ Him, I know He will reward that sincerity. All we can do is pray, and I do know how how useless that makes us feel, at times. In the Psalms David got down, dirty, and honest w/ God. God knows how we feel, but shouting at Him just helps because we are SO hurt and confused. I pray He will give you peace and rest. We don't have to know His plan to have peace, cause He will settle our hearts and minds w/ His perfect peace.
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