Forgiveness

It's been a few weeks since I've written a blog, so I thought it was time:) I've been learning a lot about God, a lot about myself these past couple of months. I'm learning that forgiveness, true forgiveness, is a choice. A choice I have to choose to make everyday. It isn't forgetting what happened, or validating or justifying the other person, it's choosing to move forward, it's choosing to say, 'you know what? Yes, what you did was wrong, it hurt, but I forgive you. I let go. I choose to let go of the emotions that are attached.' I choose to only remember the good times. It isn't easy, in my flesh I want him to hurt like I hurt, I want him to feel what I feel. However, as a Christian, I will extend to him the same forgiveness that Christ has extended to me. I didn't deserve it, yet He still gave it. But like I said, it's a choice that I choose to make everyday.
I am also learning to trust like I haven't before. To trust that He knows best, that He has a plan, and as long as I am obedient, He will follow through with His promises. I am learning that trust is truly all that I need. He is my everything and in His time, all things will work for His good.
I am seeking Him with all that I am. I am going after Him, truly becoming a lover of His presence. I am discovering my purpose. My purpose, outside of Shawn, my parents, my sister, my nieces, and even Tracy. I am discovering what His purpose or My life is and it is a fun process!:).
Thank you all for walking through this journey with me, for your prayers, your thoughts, your support. I hope that this blog, my journey, has and will
continue to help you in whatever way God sees fit. Whether it's to show you that you are not alone, or to make you grateful for the life you have been given, to encourage, strengthen, and bless you...or to just make you feel something. Thank you for walking with me! My journey is not over by any means, and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!

Dreaming with Him,

Andrea

Walking in faith...

Today I had an interview at what seemed to be a really good school.  I was excited about it, I thought it would be a really good ministry opportunity for me.  I thought for sure that this was THE DOOR that God was opening just for me.  I was ready:)  When I got there, something was "off."  Now, if you are reading this and you are not a Spirt-filled Christian, you may not understand, even if you are, you may not understand.  However, there was something in that building that did not sit well with me...before I went to this school, I did some research.  I discovered that 16% of their teachers are in the US on work visas from Turkey.  I learned that over 50% of the teachers/administration are Muslim.  Although the school is a charter school and they have to follow the state laws, they don't teach religion at all.  Their goal is to be so influential in the lives of these children that they convert them to the Muslim religion if they are not already practicing.  I was excited.  This was my chance to be influential, because I know the King of Kings!  This was the mindset I had going in...but then...as I was talking to the admin, they just seemed unorganized.  They are a brand new school-just opened-and I believe they should have maybe waited one more year.  They didn't have anything to offer--in the beginning, they have the bare essentials, desks and books, with promises of more.  The previous teacher had only been there 8 days and had already resigned...I don't know the story behind that, but I know that the one he gave me wasn't the whole truth.  They were desperate.
I know that the Muslim people need Jesus.  I understand that.  Had God told me this was the one for me, I would have jumped at the chance to befriend these people and share the love of Jesus through my life, my actions.  I would have LOVED to.  But, when I left that building, i started feeling nauseous and had a huge headache...I knew something wasn't right.  I struggled with the "worldly thoughts" and "heavenly thoughts"--meaning the practical thoughts that said, "you really need a job"  "who cares how far it is?"  "who cares if it isn't the perfect one?" and then the ones that said "God is your provider"  "He will open the perfect door"  "just keep holding on."  One eye was seeing the logical parts and one was seeing the faith parts.
After talking to some people, a few who actually drove there with me, and one whom I consider to be a "mentor" in my life...I really felt like this wasn't it.  This wasn't the job for me.  Once I has decided, they called me for a second interview...I know that if I would have gone, they would have offered me the job.  I know it.  But, I already knew that this wasn't the job for me...forget about all the logistics like not having a car, one that I would need to be very safe, driving an hour to and from school everyday, etc...I knew that this was not it for me.  I could go into more detail on why, but there isn't any need. 
So, although you may not understand my choice, or even agree with it, I KNOW this wasn't for me.  I know what it looks like---I know that I haven't had a job in over a year, and I know that I am living with my sister who could really use the income that I would provide, blah, blah, blah.  I know all of those things...HOWEVER, I know when God speaks to me.  I know His voice.  I have CHOSEN to walk by faith.  I have chosen to follow his lead.  I am grateful for the people He has placed in my life who will tell me the truth, those that I can ask for wisdom, for advice.  I am thankful for those who trust me, trust that I hear his voice for myself.  After all, this is MY life.  I am the only one who gets to live it.  I am the only one who gets to make the decisions and live with my choices.  Me, just me.  Tonight I will sleep well knowing that the Lord has directed my path.  I am excited for the things that are to come.  I know that His perfect job for me will come at the right time and He will provide every detail.  I have peace, and that is all that matters:) 

Dreaming His Dreams,

Drea