Happy New Year! Can you believe it is 2012 already? It seems like it was just yesterday that we were welcoming in 2011! Wow, 2011…that’s a year I don’t want to repeat. I look back and it started so good…I was inlove for the first time in my life, I had my first “New Years kiss,” my brother was doing really well, he was home and safe. Everyone was healthy, everyone was full of expectations and hopes. I was making dreams for 2011…I was going to get married, get a job, move to Waxahachie, finally start living MY life, and living out MY dreams. And then April 7 happened. This is the day that my brother was arrested…the last time I would see him in street clothes, the last time he would see his apartment in Gilmer, TX. On this day, everything began to unravel. One by one, moment by moment, things felt like they were unraveling by every seam possible. July. We broke up sorta…things started falling apart…August 3rd. Things got worse…I look back on this day, I look back on the blogs I wrote around this time and I know that it is only for the love of Jesus that I made it through…Everything was so dark, I felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t breath. How was life going to go on? How were we as a family going to survive? At that time, we didn’t know how we were going to make it through tomorrow, much less any major holiday, without Shawn around. I packed up the apartment that we had made for ourselves over the past year and a half, every memory, every piece of belonging that we had…I put them each and every one into a box, labeled them, and stored them; All the time, remembering the last time I placed my things in storage, it was 10 years before I ever saw any of it again…I cried, I laughed, I was full of emotion, as I packed up the past and the present, and looked toward an uncertain future. In October, my 2 dogs and I moved in with my sister and her 4 girls, leaving most of my stuff behind. Thankful that she opened up her home to me, knowing it wasn’t easy, and still isn’t at times. Shawn’s 30th b-day came, and went, as he was behind the prison doors. Thanksgiving came, and we all had much more to be Thankful for this year…the things we learned…just the fact that we were still breathing…knowing now, never to take one thing, one person, one smile, one hug, one touch, one word for granted. So thankful. Christmas came and went…my mom getting the absolute best Christmas present she could get---having a contact visit with Shawn, getting to touch him, hug him, for the first time in almost 9 months…and here we are, 2012. Breathing a huge sigh of relief that 2011 is over. Anticipating what 2012 has in store. This year is full of hope, of joy, of life. This year my life will change. This year I will not be the same. I still don't have a job, I still am behind, way behind, in my bills. My circumstances at the end of 2011 are still here in the beginning of 2012, BUT I know that 2012 will bring many answers, many promises fulfilled:)
On another note, I just got back from Winter Ramp Georgia. If you have never heard of the Ramp check it out at http://www.theramp.org/. This was the most amazing experience of my entire life. God completely rocked my world. It was this weekend that God really revealed to me that He dreams for me. He dreams for me! The dreams He dreams for me are so much bigger, so much greater than any I could dream for myself. I am a dreamer, so this is HUGE to me. I dream big dreams…in fact, I recently wrote a blog about dreaming. But God dreams for me. The dreams He has for me are tied into so many other destinies that if I don’t live out His dream for me, I am hindering His dream for others. I wish I could convey to you exactly what this has done for me, I wish you could all feel what I feel, see what I see, know what I know.
One question that God asked me was this, “If I had to wait a year to get this certain dream, if I had to wait a whole year, would I?” I weighed this question carefully…you see, most people would say yes and not really mean it…if you knew what this dream was…I am 32 years old, and I have been close to this dream only once in my life…and I was so close I could taste it…and then I lost it…so, waiting a whole year? I didn’t want to say yes if I knew there was a chance that I couldn’t, or rather wouldn’t. So, with tears pouring down my face, “The Dream Song” being played in the background, and as I was thinking about what my life would truly look like if I did wait, if I truly waitied for what He was promising me, I said, “yes!” Now, I know that it isn’t going to be easy, and He never said I would HAVE to wait a year, He just asked me if I would…He also didn’t say it wouldn’t be longer than a year either! I just know, for the first time in my life, that HE DREAMS FOR ME. He truly dreams for me, and because he dreams for me, He has the power to make every one of those dreams come true. I know that the dreams I was dreaming for myself were really good…so I can only imagine what He is dreaming for me. How fun is it to dream with Him?!!So, 2012, the year of open gates…the year of above and beyond…I say BRING IT ON! I have nothing else to lose, only to gain. Be on the lookout for me….this year, God is going to rock my world, and how fun, that you get to read about it happening, here on my blog! I am going to lose weight…God said so…because it will be the “Physical Representation of my Internal Transformation.” That’s from Jesus Himself! So Watch out!
Dreaming with Him,
Andrea
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