Getting Back Up

2012 has started out with a bang…literally. I have felt for the past 7 days that I was Satan’s personal punching bag…that he was hitting any and every part of my life trying to knock me down. I should have been prepared; I had just come back from the Ramp, which completely changed my life. Satan was mad. He didn’t want me to go in the first place and then once I got there, he sure didn’t want my life to change the way it did, to get the revelations that I did. So, when I returned I got hit after hit, punch after punch. Some hurt worse than others, some cut deep. BUT I got up…I keep getting up. It hurts, and I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how you can really love someone and then just moments later turn your love to another…I don’t understand how that is even possible...I don't understand how you can be so close to spending your life with someone and then realize that you have absolutely no idea who they really are…yet it happens. It makes me question whether you really loved me at all. I know I was loved the best he knew how...but I deserve better than that, and honestly, so does he. I pray for him. I pray that God will do whatever it takes--and I mean that---to bring him to a place of unquenchable hunger, that he will truly see him, and that sight will consume him and change his life as he knows it...because that is what happened to me, and I will never be the same. I know now that I can't make anyone else hunger for what I hunger for...I can't make anyone else feel what I feel about Him, but I also can't be with someone who doesn't. I am so thankful that even though it hurts, that God loves me enough to do whatever is necessary to protect me...to draw me closer to Him and not allow me to settle for less than his best for me. I could have let it cripple me…a week ago it might have done just that…BUT I choose to get up. I choose to hold on to the promises that He has given me…the ones of my future. I have a great calling, a great anointing, that many do not and will not understand. With this calling, this anointing has come great sacrifice, great pain, but I KNOW that it will also come with GREAT blessing. He dreams for me…HE DREAMS FOR ME. So, I will cling to His dreams for me and try not to shed any more tears over MY lost dreams.God has been speaking to me everyday since I returned from the Ramp. I am still processing everything. I know that I am different. I know that He is stirring up great hunger in me that I have never known before. I know that He is placing in me a compassion for people that I have never wanted, or honestly ever desired to have. I know that I have a lot to say, He has placed in me a lot to say, and in His time and with His words, He will give me the platform to say them…

Until then, I'll keep dreaming with Him,

Andrea