Thank you!!

I don't know how many people really read this, I know that there are alot of people that read this, through facebook, etc...that never comment.  I believe that this blog reaches more people than I think.  I have recently learned that all one has to do is search my name and this link comes up.  Crazy!  One thing that I have always done through this blog is be as real as I possibly could.  I have shared every emotion as I have experienced them.  I have laughed and I have cried while writing many of these blogs, and you my friends, have shared in this with me.  You have been given permission to enter the very depths of my soul through these words.  You have prayed with me, for me, you have grieved with me, rejoiced with me, hoped with me, dreamed with me, and so much more.  So many things have happened over the past couple of years...alot of hurt, alot of pain, some joy, some laughter.  You guys have walked with me as I have struggled with anger, bitterness, and pain over my brother's circumstance.  You have all walked with me through love lost.  You have shared in my journey as I have questioned God, doubted Him, been angry with Him, felt rejected by Him, and so many more emotions.  But, you have also walked with me as I have learned to depend on Him like never before, as I have learned to dream His dreams for my life, as I have learned that He is a HUGE God, big enough to handle my anger, my bitterness, my pain, my rejection, my hurt.  

I sit here today, and as I read through my writings over the last two years, I am amazed at how far I've come.  I can still remember where I was as I was writing every single word on every single page.  I can still feel every emotion, every tear.  I can still remember exactly what I was thinking with every blog. God is amazing and I am so thankful that He has given me the gift of writing, that He has allowed me the ability to keep this journal of my life, so one day I can put all of this in my book. 
On another note, today, I am thankful that He is Sovereign.  I am thankful that He doesn't always answer prayers the way I want Him to.  I am thankful that a year ago, or even 6 months ago, I was praying that He would restore my relationship, the one I lost, but today-knowing what I know now, what I have learned over the past 4 days, I am so thankful that He didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted.  The man I once loved, is dead.  The man he is now, I don't know.  He is a living example of how Satan can deceive, and distorts the truth to the point where you really believe it, how he gets into your mind and twists your perceptions.   I loved this man with everything that I was, everything...but he lied, he was angry, he was hurt, and he never quite let God heal him...the cost was too high, the sacrifice to great, so he made choices, that have forever changed the course of both of our lives.  My heart is grieved, not so much for the love that was lost, the friendship that was lost, but more for the soul that is lost.  I can't pray for him, I have to cut all ties with him so that I can go on, it's too hard for me--so I ask you, my reader, to pray for him when you read this, as you think about him.  If you know his name, then call it out before the Lord God Almighty, if you don't, God knows his name.  I won't tell you what or even how to pray, let the Lord lead you, as He knows exactly what he needs.  Thank you.

This past week, since Easter Sunday, has been really hard for me---cutting all ties with him---but God knows exactly what I need, when I need it.  On Monday, God placed my name on the heart of a man I have never met-one of Shawn's really good friends in prison, and he interceded on my behalf throughout the day.  I wouldn't have made it without his prayers.  He had no idea why, but he obeyed the prompting of the Lord, and I will forever be grateful.  On Tuesday, I found a story that I had written in 2008, a love story, my love story.  God has me write my love story, what I wanted it to look like, what I wanted him to look like, be like, how I wanted it to all happen, etc...every detail.  I did, at the time thinking it was the stupidest thing ever.  When I found it on my computer, and read it, I bawled like a baby...God was reminding me exactly what He has promised for me.  He knew way back then, that I would be here and need to know that He has a great plan, an amazing husband for me.  Today, Wednesday, I got a facebook message from a dear friend, who said that while she was praying for me today, out of nowhere she was led to pray for my future mate to come!  What she thought was "strange," was exactly what I needed!  These people who had no idea what I was going through, where I was at in my life, followed the obedience of the Lord and helped to remind me that He is my Hero!:)  Thank you friends, and thank you God!  I have chosen to not walk in the pain, to not walk in the hurt.  I have chosen to lift my vision higher, to see what God has promised me, not on my circumstances.  I  CHOOSE! 

God has asked me to "marry" Him this year.  To me, this means to completely concentrate on Him, to have no hindrances, no other priorities then Him and Him alone.  I don't know what the rest of this year hold, I know that although it is just April, I feel like I have already lived a year:)!  I know that He has amazing things in store for me, for my family.  I know that He has shaken the very foundation on which I stand, and I am still standing:)!  I know that no matter what others think about me, what they say about me, the lies they tell, the deception they bring, I am a child of the Living King.  I have chosen to live right before Him, to obey Him with complete abandonment, no matter the cost! 

Thank you to all of you who have walked on this journey with me.  Thank you for your friendship, your support, and most importantly, your prayers!  I am not the same because of them!

On another side note: Thank you for your prayers for my family and for Shawn.  He has now been in jail for a little over a year. He hasn't seen his dog, his freedom, his friends, eaten real ice cream, and many other things in over a year now...yet, he has gotten to know the King of Kings in a brand new way, he is learning to depend on Him more than ever before and we believe that his release will be soon!

This is a song by Catherine Mullins called "Hero." Please take the time to listen to it. This song has been a life saver to me the past few days, and has reminded me that Jesus is just that to me, My Hero:)