I Don't Know...

Sometimes I just don't have the answers. Sometimes, "I just don't know" is the only answer I have. I don't know how God is going to work all this out. I have to move in a week. I'm packed, but not completely. It's hard packing an entire apartment by myself. It's hard packing up things everyday, things that are Shawn's, going into his room, packing up all his belongings and being reminded that he isn't coming home. That's the thought that my flesh thinks anyways. And then, my Spirit says that My God is a Miraculous God! My Spirit says that there isn't anything that He can't do! He will bring Shawn home, and the 20 years, or the 10 years, won't be. I know that it will all get done, I know that I can do it. But sometimes the only answer I have is "I don't know." I am moving in with my sister and her girls. It's not ideal, but I am thankful that she has offered and is willing:) I know that it is temporary, it has to be for both her and me:) So, I have to figure out what to bring, what to store, etc. I've done this before. I've been here before and it was 10 years before I got that stuff back. This will be different, this HAS to be different. I know that I will get a job. I know that I will be able to move out and live on my own, have my own kitchen, my own stuff. I just feel like, "when?" WHen do I get my breakthrough? When does my family get our breakthroughs? What is it that we haven't learned yet? I do know that satan hates us...he has to, to cause so much turmoil. He has tried to destroy us, individually and together, but you would think that he has learned his lesson, but no, he just keeps on trying.
I'm ready to smile again. I'm ready to laugh again. I'm ready to be happy again. Don't get me wrong, I have joy---that comes from the Lord---but happy...I'm ready to live my 32 year old life like I have it pictured in my head (you know what I mean). I know that it is coming, it's always coming...I'm closer now than ever before:)
I am not who I was. I am not this weak, fragile person that I was, or that I was percieved to be. I know who I am. I know that I am stronger now than I have ever been. I know that three years ago, the first time Shawn was arrested, had things turned out this way---I wouldn't have reacted the same...I couldn't have handled it, or as well as I am now. I am stronger now. My faith in God is greater. I recognize spirits for what they are and I call them out. I am broken, but it's a good broken...if that makes sense. I am pressed but not crushed. I am persecuted but not abandoned. I am struck down, but not destroyed. I am blessed BEYOND the curse, for His promise WILL endure. His joy comes in the morrning!

When everything around me seems impossible, tiring, despairing, I have to change my perspective. I have to not look at the circumstances as my physical eyes see them, I have to look through my spiritual eyes. Those eyes see that My God is so much bigger than my biggest worry. What my physical eyes see as impossible, my spiritual eyes see as completely possible.

The Name of Jesus. He calls Himself the "Great I Am." The mountains shake before Him. The demons run and flee, at the mention of the Name , King of Majesty. There is no power in hell, or any who can stand before the power and the presence of the Great I Am.

Did you know that Waxahachie had a minor earthquake the other night. Shawn said people weren't quite praying hard enough. His walls didn't fall down:)! However, he did take that as God letting him know that He was still God and He could do whatever He wanted. If He wanted to release him with an earthquake in the middle of Texas, He could!:) So, we are expecting miracles now more than ever before:)!
Check out breakingthehush.webs.com. I've added the most recent of Shawn's blogs, you can now leave questions, comments, and prayer requests, and I'm about to add a page for his book!:) All good stuff!

Sorry this was so random, but I'm random:)

Broken,

Andrea