Life. Sometimes life just stinks. It doesn't go as planned, or atleast how you have planned. That's where I find myself at this time, again. I seem to come here alot, in this place of reflection where nothing has gone as planned. I sure never planned on being single at 32. If you'd asked me when I was in high school, I would have for sure seen myself as married, with kids, maybe a career, or maybe a stay at home mom, etc. Now, I am exactly where God planned for me to be, which is hard to understand. Why would He want me here-32, single, jobless, mooching off family?:) I think it's not necessarily where I am physically, but more of where I am spiritually. I am having to depend on him more now than I ever have in my life. I am confident that I am walking in His will for my life, even if noone else is, and I am so confident, that I don't have to explain myself to anyone...it just is.
I am learning what to hang on to and what to let go of. It isn't an easy lesson, and it is confusing at times. I have found myself asking, "why God," and "are you sure?" many times throughout the past few months. Right now, I don't see a "different" ending, not better, just different. I don't want a "different" ending. Now, I'm not talking about Shawn at all. This is about me, my life.
I do know this-I have this desire inside of me...one that He has been tugging at, one that He has placed there. There is something stirring inside of me, something that He is doing, that He is getting ready to do, that I can't explain and I don't know that I even understand it. It isn't for everyone, and you have to really want it, you have to really desire it. I do know that I want it so bad, that I won't let anything stand in the way. I can't afford it. I have waited to long, prayed for to long, hoped for to long, to just let it pass me by. I have to trust that the things He's taking from me now, the things He is requiring of me now, are going to be worth it...trust, that is hard for me, but I don't have another option!
Will I ever get married? I hope so, but I don't know. Will I ever be a mom? I hope so, but again, I don't know. I know that I have to focus on Him. I know that I want to be so lost in God, that he will have to puruse God to find me, if God's plan for me is marriage. I know that I have to run after Him with everything that I am, and if, in doing so, I get the honor of being a wife and a mom, then so be it; but if not, then so be it. It is well with my soul. It is well. I will strive to be everything that He desires me to be.
Broken,
Andrea
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
I Don't Know...
Sometimes I just don't have the answers. Sometimes, "I just don't know" is the only answer I have. I don't know how God is going to work all this out. I have to move in a week. I'm packed, but not completely. It's hard packing an entire apartment by myself. It's hard packing up things everyday, things that are Shawn's, going into his room, packing up all his belongings and being reminded that he isn't coming home. That's the thought that my flesh thinks anyways. And then, my Spirit says that My God is a Miraculous God! My Spirit says that there isn't anything that He can't do! He will bring Shawn home, and the 20 years, or the 10 years, won't be. I know that it will all get done, I know that I can do it. But sometimes the only answer I have is "I don't know." I am moving in with my sister and her girls. It's not ideal, but I am thankful that she has offered and is willing:) I know that it is temporary, it has to be for both her and me:) So, I have to figure out what to bring, what to store, etc. I've done this before. I've been here before and it was 10 years before I got that stuff back. This will be different, this HAS to be different. I know that I will get a job. I know that I will be able to move out and live on my own, have my own kitchen, my own stuff. I just feel like, "when?" WHen do I get my breakthrough? When does my family get our breakthroughs? What is it that we haven't learned yet? I do know that satan hates us...he has to, to cause so much turmoil. He has tried to destroy us, individually and together, but you would think that he has learned his lesson, but no, he just keeps on trying.
I'm ready to smile again. I'm ready to laugh again. I'm ready to be happy again. Don't get me wrong, I have joy---that comes from the Lord---but happy...I'm ready to live my 32 year old life like I have it pictured in my head (you know what I mean). I know that it is coming, it's always coming...I'm closer now than ever before:)
I am not who I was. I am not this weak, fragile person that I was, or that I was percieved to be. I know who I am. I know that I am stronger now than I have ever been. I know that three years ago, the first time Shawn was arrested, had things turned out this way---I wouldn't have reacted the same...I couldn't have handled it, or as well as I am now. I am stronger now. My faith in God is greater. I recognize spirits for what they are and I call them out. I am broken, but it's a good broken...if that makes sense. I am pressed but not crushed. I am persecuted but not abandoned. I am struck down, but not destroyed. I am blessed BEYOND the curse, for His promise WILL endure. His joy comes in the morrning!
When everything around me seems impossible, tiring, despairing, I have to change my perspective. I have to not look at the circumstances as my physical eyes see them, I have to look through my spiritual eyes. Those eyes see that My God is so much bigger than my biggest worry. What my physical eyes see as impossible, my spiritual eyes see as completely possible.
The Name of Jesus. He calls Himself the "Great I Am." The mountains shake before Him. The demons run and flee, at the mention of the Name , King of Majesty. There is no power in hell, or any who can stand before the power and the presence of the Great I Am.
Did you know that Waxahachie had a minor earthquake the other night. Shawn said people weren't quite praying hard enough. His walls didn't fall down:)! However, he did take that as God letting him know that He was still God and He could do whatever He wanted. If He wanted to release him with an earthquake in the middle of Texas, He could!:) So, we are expecting miracles now more than ever before:)!
Check out breakingthehush.webs.com. I've added the most recent of Shawn's blogs, you can now leave questions, comments, and prayer requests, and I'm about to add a page for his book!:) All good stuff!
Sorry this was so random, but I'm random:)
Broken,
Andrea
I'm ready to smile again. I'm ready to laugh again. I'm ready to be happy again. Don't get me wrong, I have joy---that comes from the Lord---but happy...I'm ready to live my 32 year old life like I have it pictured in my head (you know what I mean). I know that it is coming, it's always coming...I'm closer now than ever before:)
I am not who I was. I am not this weak, fragile person that I was, or that I was percieved to be. I know who I am. I know that I am stronger now than I have ever been. I know that three years ago, the first time Shawn was arrested, had things turned out this way---I wouldn't have reacted the same...I couldn't have handled it, or as well as I am now. I am stronger now. My faith in God is greater. I recognize spirits for what they are and I call them out. I am broken, but it's a good broken...if that makes sense. I am pressed but not crushed. I am persecuted but not abandoned. I am struck down, but not destroyed. I am blessed BEYOND the curse, for His promise WILL endure. His joy comes in the morrning!
When everything around me seems impossible, tiring, despairing, I have to change my perspective. I have to not look at the circumstances as my physical eyes see them, I have to look through my spiritual eyes. Those eyes see that My God is so much bigger than my biggest worry. What my physical eyes see as impossible, my spiritual eyes see as completely possible.
The Name of Jesus. He calls Himself the "Great I Am." The mountains shake before Him. The demons run and flee, at the mention of the Name , King of Majesty. There is no power in hell, or any who can stand before the power and the presence of the Great I Am.
Did you know that Waxahachie had a minor earthquake the other night. Shawn said people weren't quite praying hard enough. His walls didn't fall down:)! However, he did take that as God letting him know that He was still God and He could do whatever He wanted. If He wanted to release him with an earthquake in the middle of Texas, He could!:) So, we are expecting miracles now more than ever before:)!
Check out breakingthehush.webs.com. I've added the most recent of Shawn's blogs, you can now leave questions, comments, and prayer requests, and I'm about to add a page for his book!:) All good stuff!
Sorry this was so random, but I'm random:)
Broken,
Andrea
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Trusting...
Thank you! Thank you to each and every one of you who have visited the website http://www.breakingthehush.webs.com/. The feedback has been amazing and God is already working through this site. People's lives are already being touched and we have already been able to minister! I know that this has been God-breathed and although I feel so overwhelmed with this honor at times, I know that God will give me the wisdom to do everything that needs to be done:) Shawn is so excited as well, and that is an awesome feeling:)
On another note, I am moving to Waxahachie in a week and a half. I still haven't paid September's rent (waiting on God for a miracle), I am behind on my car payments, and the bills just seem to keep coming. I have applied for every job that I can think of and nothing. I know that God has a plan, and I know that He will provide. His Word says that I can ask anything in His Name and He will answer, so I am asking once again, for His provision, for a job, for the finances to move, for a place to store the things that won't fit at my sisters house, and so many other things that are needed. He is trying and testing me in what seems like every area of my life right now, and boy am I ready for something GOOD! I only hope that through this testing and this trying that I am honoring His Name and He is receiving the glory.
So, please keep or continue to keep my family and I in your prayers. And THANK YOU once again for the amazing responses. Please spread the word, tell your friends, family, co-workers, churches, and everyone else you can think of about "breaking the hush" and help us bring freedom to this world!
Broken and waiting,
Andrea
On another note, I am moving to Waxahachie in a week and a half. I still haven't paid September's rent (waiting on God for a miracle), I am behind on my car payments, and the bills just seem to keep coming. I have applied for every job that I can think of and nothing. I know that God has a plan, and I know that He will provide. His Word says that I can ask anything in His Name and He will answer, so I am asking once again, for His provision, for a job, for the finances to move, for a place to store the things that won't fit at my sisters house, and so many other things that are needed. He is trying and testing me in what seems like every area of my life right now, and boy am I ready for something GOOD! I only hope that through this testing and this trying that I am honoring His Name and He is receiving the glory.
So, please keep or continue to keep my family and I in your prayers. And THANK YOU once again for the amazing responses. Please spread the word, tell your friends, family, co-workers, churches, and everyone else you can think of about "breaking the hush" and help us bring freedom to this world!
Broken and waiting,
Andrea
Monday, September 19, 2011
Here we go...
This is it...this is what I've been working on for the last 72 hours. THis is what I have poured my heart and soul into. I want it to be perfect. I want it to be effective. I want to do this story justice. Many of you have wondered why my blogs have been so dark, so painful over the last couple of months or so...well, this site will help you to understand. My life, my families life, was shaken to the core on August 3, 2011. We got some news that we weren't expecting, that we weren't prepared to hear. We had come so far, we were doing so well. EVERYONE was doing so well. Our family was closer to each other, and to God, then we had ever been. I can say that we were finally getting happy again. Things were looking up...and then BOOM! Everything changed--well, our circumstances changed, but our hope, our trust, our faith in God, that, at times, was questioned, but it was never doubted. We know that GOd has great things in store for us. We are just so ready, I am so ready, to put this chapter, this story, behind us. However, this we know---God works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love him!!!
This is the story of my brother, the story of my family. It is a story that we are all currently living in. It's a story of forgiveness, redepmtion, restoration, love, grace, mercy, freedom, and hope.
http://www.breakingthehush.webs.com
SO check it out, share it with your friends, your family, your church, your pastors, anyone and everyone that you think needs to hear it!
Broken yet healing,
Andrea
This is the story of my brother, the story of my family. It is a story that we are all currently living in. It's a story of forgiveness, redepmtion, restoration, love, grace, mercy, freedom, and hope.
http://www.breakingthehush.webs.com
SO check it out, share it with your friends, your family, your church, your pastors, anyone and everyone that you think needs to hear it!
Broken yet healing,
Andrea
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Stay Tuned
I have spent the last 48 hours working on this project for my brother. It has been frustrating, confusing, and difficult, but I will say it has also been rewarding. I am excited about what it to come, I am excited about the opportunities that this is going to open for Shawn, for me, for my family! SO, this is just an anoncement to let you all know that it is coming soon! I hope to launch the website within the next day or two. Are we ready for this? Are we ready for the world to know? Sometimes I don't think so, but I know that there are souls that are ready, there are hurting that are ready, there are broken and bound that need to be freed! This may be their open door. This may contain the key to their freedom! So, Ready or not!:)
Please keep us in your prayers and stay tuned!
Andrea
Please keep us in your prayers and stay tuned!
Andrea
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Life...
I haven't been writing as much as I would like to, but I do not have internet at my house. I have to wait until the weekends when I am at my parents. Enough about that..
.:)
Things in my life are ok, actually, alot of my situations are the same, it's just that my perspective has changed. I am choosing to not to look at my current circumstances, but rather at the One who has the power to change them! I know that He has a plan, and I know that His plan will be revealed in His time...until then, I will choose to have peace.
I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs about a project that my brother and I were up to...well, stay tuned, it is on the verge:) It's just a little bit more difficult then I had planned:) I want it to be completely perfect, because I know what God can and will do through it, I'm just not exactly sure what "perfection" looks like:) So, with alot of prayer and research, I hope to have this project up and going within the next few days. Pray for me!
I still get angry, I still hurt, but in these moments, God seems to find some wat to remind me that He has not forgotten my name. He knows who I am and where I am at. He will use all of this for His glory...I am not going THROUGH all of this for nothing:)!
Still broken~
Andrea
.:)
Things in my life are ok, actually, alot of my situations are the same, it's just that my perspective has changed. I am choosing to not to look at my current circumstances, but rather at the One who has the power to change them! I know that He has a plan, and I know that His plan will be revealed in His time...until then, I will choose to have peace.
I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs about a project that my brother and I were up to...well, stay tuned, it is on the verge:) It's just a little bit more difficult then I had planned:) I want it to be completely perfect, because I know what God can and will do through it, I'm just not exactly sure what "perfection" looks like:) So, with alot of prayer and research, I hope to have this project up and going within the next few days. Pray for me!
I still get angry, I still hurt, but in these moments, God seems to find some wat to remind me that He has not forgotten my name. He knows who I am and where I am at. He will use all of this for His glory...I am not going THROUGH all of this for nothing:)!
Still broken~
Andrea
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Faithful...
One thing I know-God is faithful. No matter what my circumstances look like, what I may be going through, what I can or cannot see, what I do or don't have, He is faithful! He is faithful to His Word. He is faithful to do what He said He would do. He is good. He is great. He is Mighty.
This blog may be more for me than for anyone else. It is a constant reminder of this journey that He is taking me on. Yes, it has been 5 weeks. It has been 39 days.But I have learned now, that MY GOD is faithful. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and I do not believe, by any means, that they are over, BUT I know that He is good! He is so good that when He gets through with this, when I have come through this, there will be nothing but good left. He has been nothing but good to me! Throughout my life, I know that He is good. Sometimes I have to go back a long ways, but I go back because I know that He is good. He saved me.--that is enough:) HE IS GOOD!
I am facing alot of things right now. I don't have a job, but I know that God wants me back in Waxahachie, for a season, back at FFI (Freedom Fellowship International-my church). I know that He has thing He wants me to do, things He wants to do through me, and in me. So, I don't have a job YET, but I am following His lead. Right now, it's one step at a time. He isn't telling me all the steps, He isn't laying them out for me. He has told me to go, to move, so this is what I will do. I trust that once I get there He will open the doors that He wants to. I am packing up my house, and I am going to move to Waxahahcie Oct. 1. It seems my entire life has been a faith walk--He doesn't always (I can't even really remember a time when he has) given me more than one step. I don't know how long I will be in Waxahachie, but I know that I need to be there, FFI needs me to be there and I need FFI. So, one step at a time:)
He's doing things in me. He is stirring something up. Something's moving. Something's changing. See His glory, it feels like Heaven on Earth. There is a stirring in my heart for Him like never before. He is doing something. I'm reminded of the fires that Texas has experienced over the last few weeks. The homes, land, that has been destroyed. It didn't take much, nothing big at all, to turn this little fire into a flame that destroyed hundreds of acres, hundreds of homes. I want my life, the flame of God in me to move like that. I want the flame, the passion of God, to completely overtake me and every one that I come in contact with. It moves fast, it overtakes and overwhelms, it engulfs anything and everything that stands in it's path. Imagine if just my little flame can do so much, what if we put all our little flames together? What would the impact be of that?! He is burning something in Me. I can't explain, because I don't even know that I understand it, or put it into words, but I can feel it, and for the first time in a long time, it excites me...
I know that I am destined to live in the prophetic. I am destined to walk in the supernatural. I am a dreamer. I have an anointing that is mine and mine alone. There are things that God can only do through me. Lord, help me to walk in your divine destiny for my life!
Broken yet healing,
Andrea
This blog may be more for me than for anyone else. It is a constant reminder of this journey that He is taking me on. Yes, it has been 5 weeks. It has been 39 days.But I have learned now, that MY GOD is faithful. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and I do not believe, by any means, that they are over, BUT I know that He is good! He is so good that when He gets through with this, when I have come through this, there will be nothing but good left. He has been nothing but good to me! Throughout my life, I know that He is good. Sometimes I have to go back a long ways, but I go back because I know that He is good. He saved me.--that is enough:) HE IS GOOD!
I am facing alot of things right now. I don't have a job, but I know that God wants me back in Waxahachie, for a season, back at FFI (Freedom Fellowship International-my church). I know that He has thing He wants me to do, things He wants to do through me, and in me. So, I don't have a job YET, but I am following His lead. Right now, it's one step at a time. He isn't telling me all the steps, He isn't laying them out for me. He has told me to go, to move, so this is what I will do. I trust that once I get there He will open the doors that He wants to. I am packing up my house, and I am going to move to Waxahahcie Oct. 1. It seems my entire life has been a faith walk--He doesn't always (I can't even really remember a time when he has) given me more than one step. I don't know how long I will be in Waxahachie, but I know that I need to be there, FFI needs me to be there and I need FFI. So, one step at a time:)
He's doing things in me. He is stirring something up. Something's moving. Something's changing. See His glory, it feels like Heaven on Earth. There is a stirring in my heart for Him like never before. He is doing something. I'm reminded of the fires that Texas has experienced over the last few weeks. The homes, land, that has been destroyed. It didn't take much, nothing big at all, to turn this little fire into a flame that destroyed hundreds of acres, hundreds of homes. I want my life, the flame of God in me to move like that. I want the flame, the passion of God, to completely overtake me and every one that I come in contact with. It moves fast, it overtakes and overwhelms, it engulfs anything and everything that stands in it's path. Imagine if just my little flame can do so much, what if we put all our little flames together? What would the impact be of that?! He is burning something in Me. I can't explain, because I don't even know that I understand it, or put it into words, but I can feel it, and for the first time in a long time, it excites me...
I know that I am destined to live in the prophetic. I am destined to walk in the supernatural. I am a dreamer. I have an anointing that is mine and mine alone. There are things that God can only do through me. Lord, help me to walk in your divine destiny for my life!
Broken yet healing,
Andrea
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Perfect or Permissive?...
I have alot of things on my mind, my heart, today. Some spiritual, some personal, and some random. So, bear with me as I use this, my avenue, to get it all out:)
My God is amazing. His blood breaks every chain. Worship is powerful. He created us to worship Him. God isn't asking for prophets, teachers, evangelists, pastors, or apostles; He's asking for worshippers...if you don't have a heart for worship, then it will be awfully hard to be anything I listed earlier.
The prophetic~if you aren't used to it, if you haven't been raised in it, or exposed to it, then it's really hard for you to understand. I know it was for me. I wasn't raised around it, I knew it existed but I had never really been exposed to it, not like I am today. And I thank God for it. The supernatural realm of the prophetic is a whole new level. Angels, demons, etc. Through the prophetic, He has unleashed giftings in me that I didn't even know I had. My entire future was changed because of the prophetic...meaning that I have always had a calling on my life, but when I was introduced to the prophetic, and became part of a prophetic church, around prophetic people-my future became so much greater than it was already going to be. I am so thankful that God chose to release the prophetic in my life. I couldn't live without it. However, with the prophetic comes great responsibility. I see things, know things, that normally I wouldn't know. I have been given a great burden, a great anointing, and with that I must follow through in prayer and obedience. If you are unsure of the prophetic (there are many areas) but are curious, then I ask that you pray and ask the Lord to show you, to teach you about it. You will be amazed.
God's will. This has been a topic that I have been struggling with for a while now. I have always heard that there is God's perfect will and His permissive will, but how do you know which one is which? What if God's perfect will for you is all tide up in someone else's choices? I mean what if God's perfect will for you in this moment, is for this certain job, but the person on the other end doesn't call you, etc? Do you miss out on the "perfect" will or does He change it? When really He knew it from the beginning? What if God's perfect will for you is to marry this man, but he died in an accident, due to someone else's choice, and you never got the chance to marry him, do you miss out on His "perfect" will or does the "perfect" will change once again? Or is His perfect will just listening closely to His voice? Obeying every thing that He says, walking in complete surrender and just trusting that no matter what choices other people make, His perfect will for you is your relationship with Him? I don't know about perfect or permissive. I don't know if the choices that I have made my entire life have led me into his permissive or have kept me in his perfect, but I do know that I have surrendered my life to Him, I have given up my desires for His, I love Him more than I love myself, and He will direct every step of my way...even when others don't understand it, don't agree with it, call it selfish, or running, or anything else they can think of...I know that His perfect will for me is to follow Him the best that I can and He will bless me abundantly. So, this is what I will do. Run after Him with everything that I have, everything that I am...even when it's hard, even when I'm tired, even when I'm angry at Him and when I don't understand...I will run. Because I have to choose to believe, choose to have the faith and the trust that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it:)
One last thought...Maybe, just maybe, I've gone through everything I've gone through in my life, maybe just maybe, I'm going through everything I'm going through right now is because it is so much bigger than even I know. Maybe, just maybe, I'm going THROUGH all of this, my family is going THROUGH all of this, my brother is going THROUGH all of this, so we can tell the MILLIONS of people aroung the world that we got THROUGH it, and they can too:)! Maybe, just maybe...the thought gives me goosebumps...
Broken yet learning...
Andrea
My God is amazing. His blood breaks every chain. Worship is powerful. He created us to worship Him. God isn't asking for prophets, teachers, evangelists, pastors, or apostles; He's asking for worshippers...if you don't have a heart for worship, then it will be awfully hard to be anything I listed earlier.
The prophetic~if you aren't used to it, if you haven't been raised in it, or exposed to it, then it's really hard for you to understand. I know it was for me. I wasn't raised around it, I knew it existed but I had never really been exposed to it, not like I am today. And I thank God for it. The supernatural realm of the prophetic is a whole new level. Angels, demons, etc. Through the prophetic, He has unleashed giftings in me that I didn't even know I had. My entire future was changed because of the prophetic...meaning that I have always had a calling on my life, but when I was introduced to the prophetic, and became part of a prophetic church, around prophetic people-my future became so much greater than it was already going to be. I am so thankful that God chose to release the prophetic in my life. I couldn't live without it. However, with the prophetic comes great responsibility. I see things, know things, that normally I wouldn't know. I have been given a great burden, a great anointing, and with that I must follow through in prayer and obedience. If you are unsure of the prophetic (there are many areas) but are curious, then I ask that you pray and ask the Lord to show you, to teach you about it. You will be amazed.
God's will. This has been a topic that I have been struggling with for a while now. I have always heard that there is God's perfect will and His permissive will, but how do you know which one is which? What if God's perfect will for you is all tide up in someone else's choices? I mean what if God's perfect will for you in this moment, is for this certain job, but the person on the other end doesn't call you, etc? Do you miss out on the "perfect" will or does He change it? When really He knew it from the beginning? What if God's perfect will for you is to marry this man, but he died in an accident, due to someone else's choice, and you never got the chance to marry him, do you miss out on His "perfect" will or does the "perfect" will change once again? Or is His perfect will just listening closely to His voice? Obeying every thing that He says, walking in complete surrender and just trusting that no matter what choices other people make, His perfect will for you is your relationship with Him? I don't know about perfect or permissive. I don't know if the choices that I have made my entire life have led me into his permissive or have kept me in his perfect, but I do know that I have surrendered my life to Him, I have given up my desires for His, I love Him more than I love myself, and He will direct every step of my way...even when others don't understand it, don't agree with it, call it selfish, or running, or anything else they can think of...I know that His perfect will for me is to follow Him the best that I can and He will bless me abundantly. So, this is what I will do. Run after Him with everything that I have, everything that I am...even when it's hard, even when I'm tired, even when I'm angry at Him and when I don't understand...I will run. Because I have to choose to believe, choose to have the faith and the trust that He who has begun a good work in me will complete it:)
One last thought...Maybe, just maybe, I've gone through everything I've gone through in my life, maybe just maybe, I'm going through everything I'm going through right now is because it is so much bigger than even I know. Maybe, just maybe, I'm going THROUGH all of this, my family is going THROUGH all of this, my brother is going THROUGH all of this, so we can tell the MILLIONS of people aroung the world that we got THROUGH it, and they can too:)! Maybe, just maybe...the thought gives me goosebumps...
Broken yet learning...
Andrea
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