Closure

CLOSURE: an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality.

Closure. What is it with our innate need for closure? For finality? For answers to questions that we may never get? I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I do have the need for closure, and I hate it. I hate having questions that I may never get answers to. I hate wondering if certain things that were said, were really truths or if they were all just lies. I hate it. However, as much as I want closure-answers to these questions and many more…I have come to the realization that I may never get it…from him, anyways. So, this blog—this is where I will finally get MY closure.


I could write on here all the “wrongs” that I feel he did to me. I could air all his dirty laundry, and make him out to be this horrible person…I could. BUT, I won’t. I choose to remember him the way he was when he was with me. I choose to remember the man I dreamt with, laughed with, and shared secrets with, the man I loved with every ounce of my being. I choose to remember this man. I CHOOSE. The closure I thought I needed was to know why, to get the truth to the questions I have. However, I have learned that the only closure I need, is the kind that God is giving me. The past is the past, I can’t go back, I can’t change it. I can learn from it and move forward. I choose to live with no regrets. Whatever happened between us is just that, between us. I know my truths. I know how much I loved him, I know how much he meant to me. No matter what should (or shouldn’t) have happened, could have happened, did happen…I KNOW that I loved him like I have loved no other. I CHOOSE to remember this.

I know that no matter what happened between him and I, I know that maybe the only thing I did do right was be exactly where God wanted me. I refused to give in to the temptations of my wants and my desires, what the world says I should do, and ONLY so exactly what God wanted me to. My desire for HIM was always so much stronger than my desire for anyone or anything else…and that may be something no one else will ever understand. He may never understand that.

I am moving on, I have moved on. To the dreams, the fairy tale that God is writing for me. I know that they are so much more amazing than even I can conceive. On my own, I cannot dream up His plans for my life, the things He is going to do in, through, and for me. How exciting is my future?! I think for the first time in a long time I am really excited about the possibilities of my life! I am not too old, I am not to “messed up,” or crazy! I am exactly where God wants me, striving to be everything that He needs and desires for me to be; living His life for me. From the beginning of time, He had a destiny for my life, and it is up to me to allow Him to fulfill that destiny in me! How many people can really say that they are living out His ultimate destiny for their life? How many people can honestly say that they are truly living to the absolute fullest, His destiny for their life? Well, I can, or at least I can say that I am trying! How fun and exciting!

Thank you for walking this journey with me. Thank you for believing in me enough to follow along in my struggles and my triumphs. Thank you for your prayers, your tears, your support, your love, your comments, and your love. They mean more than you know!

Dreaming His Dreams with Him,

Andrea