A Dream...

I've been thinking alot these past few days, weeks. God has really been speaking closely to my heart, to my spirit, sharing alot of things with me. I have realized that I have spent the majority of my life in fear...fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of disappointment, or disappointing others, and just plain fear. There are alot of things I haven't done, I haven't tried, just because I was afraid. The things that I have done, the big changes, were thrust upon me, i.e. moving, getting my Masters, etc. I did them, I moved, I changed, but only because I wasn't given any other options. Would I have done half the things I have done if I had a choice? I don't know...I have a dream. I have dreamt for most of my life, to be a photographer. I want to own my own studio, have a dark room in my house, create pictures. I haven't done anything to make this dream a reality other than buy a camera and be deemed the "family photographer" during the holidays. At one point, I even enrolled in the New York Institute of Photography...I didn't finish...I lost my job and ran out of money.
What happened? Why haven't I pursued this? I believe I'm afraid of failing at it. I'm afraid that I can't do it, that I don't have any idea how to do it, so I don't even try. Satan HAD me so bound up in fear that I didn't take chances because I was afraid. I refuse to be afraid any more. I refuse to miss out on the things that God has for me to do in this life out of fear. Satan is funny like that...you spend your whole life one way and you don't even realize it---until now. So, I will do what I can with what I have, and let God take care of the rest. I will carry my camera around with me, and take pictures of anything and everything I can, and listen:) I have alot of things that I want with this photography business...I want a computer to edit the pictures, an editing program, the NIKON camera that I have wanted for forever, a tripod, etc. but for now I will do with what I have and allow God to use me now. I believe that one day I will write a book, and take pictures that will go along with that book. Shawn prophecied over me a few years back that I would write a book, and each page, each chapeter would have a picture that would go along with it, these pictures would be the key to tie in what I was saying, what I wanted to get across...I have a way with words, and would one day, have a way with pictures, that would change the world.
I have had many dreams broken over the last few years, but this is one dream that God is continuing to stir up within me over and over...I only fail if I don't try...
SO, what am I waiting for?!!

Simply,

Andrea