Dreaming!

I spent some time today looking through these blogs...I don't like to do it often because it brings back some memories, moments, emotions that I try not to remember alot;)  In October of 2010, I moved back to Waxahachie because I knew that God told me to.  That first SUnday in October, I went to my church, FFI, filled out my connection card, and put down three things underneath the heading 'prayer requests.'  1. A new job; 2. a new car; and 3. Shawn's SOON release. (that's exactly how I write it.).  Every Sunday since then, I have written down those exact three things...on April 24th, I got the exact job I wanted, teaching Kindergarten, making more money than I have ever made in my life...almost $15000 more.  On May 20th, I bought a BRAND NEW car.  So, for 2 years and 18 months, I wrote down all three things...for 2 years and 19 months I wrote down 2, and now I only have 1 to write down.  In less than a months time God answered two prayers of mine...my faith is set and my hope is high.  I have no doubt that my brother is coming home!  Why would God faithfully answer two, only to leave the last one remaining?  That isn't who my God is!
These past 2 1/2 years have been rough.  I have been tested and I wish that I could say I have passed with flying colors, but I can't.  What I can say is that HE IS FAITHFUL!  He has not only given me what I needed, but He has blown me away by giving me exactly what I wanted!  I mean, He has done things that should not have been possible, that weren't possible!   He has truly gone above and beyond what I could have ever hoped for!!! 
I know, I KNOW, that all this started when I set it in my heart, in my Spirit, to align myself with Him; to get everything in order.  When I moved here, I was a mess.  I didn't really see it, and I sure wouldn't have admitted it, but I was.  I had been in a relationship that was destroying me...we had ended things, but not really...we hadn't broken up emotionally.  It would be many months later, before that was taken care of.  I loved him, I truly loved him...no matter how wrong it was, or how much it shouldn't have happened...I loved him with everything that I was...I loved him hard.  He broke my heart, and he hurt me as hard as I loved him.  Slowly, I began to heal...slowly I began to allow the Lord to soothe the places that he has so painfully broken.  I believe it truly started when I attended the Ramp Conference and God restored some things in me that been stolen, or broken.  Slowly, I began to hear His voice again, I began to dream again.  I obeyed.  He asked me to move here and I did.  He asked me to trust Him and I did.  He asked me to desire Him above all else, and I did.  It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I think about that decision all the time, I don't regret it, but sometimes I do wonder...and now I am FINALLY seeing His promises fulfilled.  It's a great feeling to know that I am exactly in the center of His will and He blesses me because He loves me:)  I can't wait to see what is next!  A husband maybe? lol
Trust me guys, the valley, the desert, is very hard and rough and painful, but in order to get to the top of the mountain it is necessary!  I am not on top of the mountain by any means, but I am closer, I am on the rise and it feels amazing!  I know now that I will not take my job, or my car, for granted because I KNOW that if it wasn't for Him, I wouldn't have them.  He is the giver of all things!:)  I just love Him.

Dream with Him because it is so worth it!:)

Andrea

Caterpillers and Thunderstorms

I'm tired.  I'm just tired.  I'm tired of hoping and not SEEING anything happen.  I'm tired of trusting and believing in a promise that isn't being fulfilled...or atleast I'm not seeing it be fulfilled.  I'm tired of telling people that Shawn IS coming home, and having them look at me like I have completely lost my mind.  I KNOW that God is not a man that He should lie.  I KNOW that His promises are yes and amen.  I KNOW that He has promised us that Shawn will come home soon--and by soon, I mean sooner than the "law" says...they say he won't even be able to come home until 2021--God says, NO WAY.  God is bigger than any law.  He has promised!  I know all of these things...but when do I get to see it?  When do I get to hig my brother again?  When do I get to have a conversation with him that isn't over the phone?  When do I get to share my life with him and him share his with me?  I want a time.  I want a date.  My heart is growing weak and my hope is weary.  I know what His Word says, I know what He has said.  I guess I just simply need to be reminded once again.  Instead of him coming closer to being home, it seems like he's farther away.  I don't understand.  I just don't understand.
I know this isn't the happiest post in the world, but it is where I am at right now...maybe soon I will have a new post full of butterflies and rainbows:)  For now, you get caterpillers and thunderstorms...

Dreaming His Dreams but very tired,

Andrea

In my weakness...

I have a lot of things happening here in my world:)  I GOT A JOB!!  In case any of you are reading my blog and are not my friends on facebook, now you know:)  I got a job, not just any job, but the perfect job:)  I am a Kindergarten teacher at a school district that I have wanted to work at for a long time.  It is a brand new school within this district, only 3 kinder and 3 1st grade teachers to start with.  It will be perfect.  I am excited, it still doesn't seem real.  The last few years have been so hard as I have filled out MANY applications, gone on interview after interview, and nothing...but God knew exactly what He was doing!  I am so thankful for the lessons that I have learned, the growth, wisdom I have gained:)  I am no in the process of looking for/getting a car...it is becoming more complicated and difficult than I had intended...there are so many options and choices out there that I am overwhelmed and it is insane!

Now on to another note...I am tired.  I am tired of missing my brother.  I am tired of him not being around, not being able to call him whenever I see/hear something hysterical...we have a lot of the same humor...I miss just talking to him, sharing my life, what's happening in my world with him.  I KNOW that God has promised his soon release, I KNOW that.  This is where faith comes in...the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..this is where I live by faith and not by sight.  Where I will cling to the promises of Shawn coming home, of God fulfilling the things that He has promised!  It has already started, I got a job---that was a promise that I have waited a long time for...so, I know that God doesn't just lay out a whole bunch of promises and then decides to only follow through with some of them...He is NOT A MAN that He should lie!  I don't understand what He is doing...in my timing, Shawn should be home already...my idea says that he never should have been gone to begin with...although looking back, I KNOW that the man who went in and the man who is coming out are two completely different people.  Shawn is now completely and totally surrendered to the Lord.  There is no struggle, no temptation, that will keep him from His King, from fulfilling his purpose.  So, all this to say, although I still have faith, and my prayer is
God help me in my unbelief," I'm just tired.  BUT I know who my Savior is.  I know what He has promised me and my family and I know that HE will finish what He started!! 

What do people do without Jesus?  How do they live?  How do the survive without having Him to lean on, to go to?  I have no idea..

Fulfilling His Dreams~
Andrea