So I found out today that my previous school loans have gone into default...which means that I can't get anymore financial aid until I make payments on those loans for 9 consistent months. I'm frustrated. I 'm frustrated at myself for letting this happen, and honestly, I'm frustrated at God for not coming through yet. I'm so tired of hearing, "you'll get a job," "God knows what He is doing," etc. I'm ready to just see it. I'm ready for Him to prove it already. I feel like I have been in this "season" for a really long time and I'm so ready for the sun to shine again! I don't know what He's doing, or what I'm supposed to be learning. I don't know why I even started school in the first place. I am really enjoying it, but what's the point if I can't even finish? Maybe in 9, 10 months, I won't even care to go back. What's the point? I'm so frustrated. I want a car. I want a job. I want my own house. I want money again. I want friends. I want my life back! I'm harder on myself than anyone else is, and I feel like an idiot and a failure. I feel like my life isn't getting any better. Today, I feel useless.
That's today. I know that tomorrow will be different. I know that tomorrow will be hopeful and full of His promises to me, but today is not. I know that He has never failed me. I know that He has never turned His back on me, or not come through for me. I know that He has a plan. I just wish, more than anything, that He would clue me in!
That's all I have today.
Andrea
Philippians 4:19
ReplyDeleteAnd this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
Does God hate you? Does He want to play games with you, causing you pain and frustration? Why things happen the way they happen, I cannot answer, but I DO KNOW He has NEVER let me down. Regardless of how things look. Think about Shawn. Do you think he gets discouraged, do you not see what he is facing. YET he follows His leading. So the question remains : Do you believe HE will do what He says?
God WILL answer in the Way that He will answer Shawn's prayers. In a way that ALL will KNOW it was God, and no other way. He will be praised, because He will perform miracles that no one can explain away, but to say it was a miracle. If you get funding for college from Mankind, then where is God? God wants to perform HIS miracles for you, and Shawn and Me. Do not limit Him. This is what He has been dealing with me about lately. I believe He is saying that to you and your family as well.
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