It's hard to love someone when everything they do, everything they say is mean, filled with hatred, disgust. You don't even know what you did to deserve it. How can one person be so completely filled with so much hatred, bitterness, anger, jealousy, and resentment? It's eating them up inside, it's got to be completley miserable to be them. I don't know how God does it, I guess that's why we're human and he's not. He can love unconditionally, without judgement. He forgives and forgets in an instant. We tend to remember, to hold on to the things that hurt us the most---I'm not really sure why. This is why I build walls---why i don't let people in. If they aren't close, they can't hurt you as much. If you don't let them in, they can't say things that can possibly destroy you. I know this isn't good, but it's my defense mechanism---you start getting to close and I start pushing.
I'm here. I'm here in a place where it's so confusing. I don't understand any of it, I don't like it. I have never been this ready to get out. To go be on my own, to live my life---yes, there are things that I will miss---my family for sure---but the time is coming, I am ready, FINALLY! I am at a place where I really think I can do this, I can go out on my own and not be afriad. Don't get me wrong-it's still scary, but I'm ready. God is taking me there, allowing certain things to happen so that I will want to go, and not feel like I'm being forced to:)
These are just random thoughts---no order...:)

Three Days

I know it's been a while. I've been really busy. There is so much going on here in my life, but I am so busy I barely have time to breath, let alone blog about it! Three days! There are only three days left until Spring Break. Maybe, just maybe during this break i will be able to catch up on all my blogging. Along with that book I need to write, those pictures I need to take, etc. Spring Break isn't really a break, it's just a relief to be alone. To have some peace and quiet, get back to loving my name:) "Ms. Quinney...! I have never been more annoyed with the sound of my name, than I have been in the last few weeks. Ha! Well, I hope you can all hold on for a few more days:)