It's been a few weeks since I've written a blog, so I thought it was time:) I've been learning a lot about God, a lot about myself these past couple of months. I'm learning that forgiveness, true forgiveness, is a choice. A choice I have to choose to make everyday. It isn't forgetting what happened, or validating or justifying the other person, it's choosing to move forward, it's choosing to say, 'you know what? Yes, what you did was wrong, it hurt, but I forgive you. I let go. I choose to let go of the emotions that are attached.' I choose to only remember the good times. It isn't easy, in my flesh I want him to hurt like I hurt, I want him to feel what I feel. However, as a Christian, I will extend to him the same forgiveness that Christ has extended to me. I didn't deserve it, yet He still gave it. But like I said, it's a choice that I choose to make everyday.
I am also learning to trust like I haven't before. To trust that He knows best, that He has a plan, and as long as I am obedient, He will follow through with His promises. I am learning that trust is truly all that I need. He is my everything and in His time, all things will work for His good.
I am seeking Him with all that I am. I am going after Him, truly becoming a lover of His presence. I am discovering my purpose. My purpose, outside of Shawn, my parents, my sister, my nieces, and even Tracy. I am discovering what His purpose or My life is and it is a fun process!:).
Thank you all for walking through this journey with me, for your prayers, your thoughts, your support. I hope that this blog, my journey, has and will
continue to help you in whatever way God sees fit. Whether it's to show you that you are not alone, or to make you grateful for the life you have been given, to encourage, strengthen, and bless you...or to just make you feel something. Thank you for walking with me! My journey is not over by any means, and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!
Dreaming with Him,
Andrea
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Walking in faith...
Today I had an interview at what seemed to be a really good school. I was excited about it, I thought it would be a really good ministry opportunity for me. I thought for sure that this was THE DOOR that God was opening just for me. I was ready:) When I got there, something was "off." Now, if you are reading this and you are not a Spirt-filled Christian, you may not understand, even if you are, you may not understand. However, there was something in that building that did not sit well with me...before I went to this school, I did some research. I discovered that 16% of their teachers are in the US on work visas from Turkey. I learned that over 50% of the teachers/administration are Muslim. Although the school is a charter school and they have to follow the state laws, they don't teach religion at all. Their goal is to be so influential in the lives of these children that they convert them to the Muslim religion if they are not already practicing. I was excited. This was my chance to be influential, because I know the King of Kings! This was the mindset I had going in...but then...as I was talking to the admin, they just seemed unorganized. They are a brand new school-just opened-and I believe they should have maybe waited one more year. They didn't have anything to offer--in the beginning, they have the bare essentials, desks and books, with promises of more. The previous teacher had only been there 8 days and had already resigned...I don't know the story behind that, but I know that the one he gave me wasn't the whole truth. They were desperate.
I know that the Muslim people need Jesus. I understand that. Had God told me this was the one for me, I would have jumped at the chance to befriend these people and share the love of Jesus through my life, my actions. I would have LOVED to. But, when I left that building, i started feeling nauseous and had a huge headache...I knew something wasn't right. I struggled with the "worldly thoughts" and "heavenly thoughts"--meaning the practical thoughts that said, "you really need a job" "who cares how far it is?" "who cares if it isn't the perfect one?" and then the ones that said "God is your provider" "He will open the perfect door" "just keep holding on." One eye was seeing the logical parts and one was seeing the faith parts.
After talking to some people, a few who actually drove there with me, and one whom I consider to be a "mentor" in my life...I really felt like this wasn't it. This wasn't the job for me. Once I has decided, they called me for a second interview...I know that if I would have gone, they would have offered me the job. I know it. But, I already knew that this wasn't the job for me...forget about all the logistics like not having a car, one that I would need to be very safe, driving an hour to and from school everyday, etc...I knew that this was not it for me. I could go into more detail on why, but there isn't any need.
So, although you may not understand my choice, or even agree with it, I KNOW this wasn't for me. I know what it looks like---I know that I haven't had a job in over a year, and I know that I am living with my sister who could really use the income that I would provide, blah, blah, blah. I know all of those things...HOWEVER, I know when God speaks to me. I know His voice. I have CHOSEN to walk by faith. I have chosen to follow his lead. I am grateful for the people He has placed in my life who will tell me the truth, those that I can ask for wisdom, for advice. I am thankful for those who trust me, trust that I hear his voice for myself. After all, this is MY life. I am the only one who gets to live it. I am the only one who gets to make the decisions and live with my choices. Me, just me. Tonight I will sleep well knowing that the Lord has directed my path. I am excited for the things that are to come. I know that His perfect job for me will come at the right time and He will provide every detail. I have peace, and that is all that matters:)
Dreaming His Dreams,
Drea
I know that the Muslim people need Jesus. I understand that. Had God told me this was the one for me, I would have jumped at the chance to befriend these people and share the love of Jesus through my life, my actions. I would have LOVED to. But, when I left that building, i started feeling nauseous and had a huge headache...I knew something wasn't right. I struggled with the "worldly thoughts" and "heavenly thoughts"--meaning the practical thoughts that said, "you really need a job" "who cares how far it is?" "who cares if it isn't the perfect one?" and then the ones that said "God is your provider" "He will open the perfect door" "just keep holding on." One eye was seeing the logical parts and one was seeing the faith parts.
After talking to some people, a few who actually drove there with me, and one whom I consider to be a "mentor" in my life...I really felt like this wasn't it. This wasn't the job for me. Once I has decided, they called me for a second interview...I know that if I would have gone, they would have offered me the job. I know it. But, I already knew that this wasn't the job for me...forget about all the logistics like not having a car, one that I would need to be very safe, driving an hour to and from school everyday, etc...I knew that this was not it for me. I could go into more detail on why, but there isn't any need.
So, although you may not understand my choice, or even agree with it, I KNOW this wasn't for me. I know what it looks like---I know that I haven't had a job in over a year, and I know that I am living with my sister who could really use the income that I would provide, blah, blah, blah. I know all of those things...HOWEVER, I know when God speaks to me. I know His voice. I have CHOSEN to walk by faith. I have chosen to follow his lead. I am grateful for the people He has placed in my life who will tell me the truth, those that I can ask for wisdom, for advice. I am thankful for those who trust me, trust that I hear his voice for myself. After all, this is MY life. I am the only one who gets to live it. I am the only one who gets to make the decisions and live with my choices. Me, just me. Tonight I will sleep well knowing that the Lord has directed my path. I am excited for the things that are to come. I know that His perfect job for me will come at the right time and He will provide every detail. I have peace, and that is all that matters:)
Dreaming His Dreams,
Drea
Monday, August 6, 2012
Simpy His Best
I write. I don’t write for any one else but me. Some people are shocked when they find out I have an online journal; that I would want the whole world to read my deepest thoughts, my struggles, etc. A journal is supposed to be personal, it’s supposed to be private, between God and me. You know what? It is. Every time I write a blog, I am not thinking about the people that may be reading this, I’m not thinking about the repercussions that may come with revealing my deepest thoughts and my inner most feelings…All I am thinking about in that moment, is where I am. Period. I am a thinker and I think fast…sometimes my hands don’t write as fast as I am thinking and I don’t get everything out when I write on paper, in a journal. I type fast…and I feel like this way I get everything out faster and I have a better chance of remembering where I want to go with it;) This journal is a forever reminder to me and to those who read it, of how faithful God is. It is a reminder that even in the midst of pain and sorrow, confusion, anger, and doubt, He is still faithful! It is a reminder that in the midst of joy, laughter, really good days, that He is the One from whom all blessings flow! I’m a writer. God has gifted me with this and I am really learning to enjoy it.
Now moving on…just a little something I have been thinking about recently. Second Best. Why do we say that? Why do we feel that? Second Best. Those words can make someone feel like they are not good enough. They can make someone feel like they just fell short of the best. For example, the Olympics…a silver medal in my mind is WAY impressive! However, to the winner of the silver medal, although it is a great achievement, it stands as a constant reminder that they were second best, that there is someone else who was better then them. I can imagine, that although they are thrilled with their silver medal, they work a lot harder the next four years, because they want the gold one!
I HATE the words, “second best.” I am learning that, for me, second best, is not ok. Those aren’t the write words. It simply means that I wasn’t God’s perfect plan for you, and you weren’t God’s perfect plan for me; whether that be a relationship, a job, or whatever. It simply means that God has a bigger and better plan for both of us.
So, I am not second best, rather I am holding out for HIS BEST for me. I have drawn a line in the sand and said I will not settle. I will not settle for less than HIS best FOR ME. That doesn’t mean that I am not good enough for you, or vice versa, it simply means that there is someone else, something else, that perfectly fits into the puzzle that He has designed for both of our lives. I will no longer be okay with just a silver medal; I will get the Gold ONE;)
Simply designed for HIS BEST,
Drea
Now moving on…just a little something I have been thinking about recently. Second Best. Why do we say that? Why do we feel that? Second Best. Those words can make someone feel like they are not good enough. They can make someone feel like they just fell short of the best. For example, the Olympics…a silver medal in my mind is WAY impressive! However, to the winner of the silver medal, although it is a great achievement, it stands as a constant reminder that they were second best, that there is someone else who was better then them. I can imagine, that although they are thrilled with their silver medal, they work a lot harder the next four years, because they want the gold one!
I HATE the words, “second best.” I am learning that, for me, second best, is not ok. Those aren’t the write words. It simply means that I wasn’t God’s perfect plan for you, and you weren’t God’s perfect plan for me; whether that be a relationship, a job, or whatever. It simply means that God has a bigger and better plan for both of us.
So, I am not second best, rather I am holding out for HIS BEST for me. I have drawn a line in the sand and said I will not settle. I will not settle for less than HIS best FOR ME. That doesn’t mean that I am not good enough for you, or vice versa, it simply means that there is someone else, something else, that perfectly fits into the puzzle that He has designed for both of our lives. I will no longer be okay with just a silver medal; I will get the Gold ONE;)
Simply designed for HIS BEST,
Drea
Friday, August 3, 2012
One Year Ago Today...
A year ago today the Quinney family's lives changed forever. Taking myself back to exactly a year ago, I had to remind myself to breath every breath. I was so low in the valley that even seeing the mountain was impossible. It was so dark, so deep, so desperate. I was angry at God for the outcome. I was so angry! I didn't see a way out, I didn't have any hope in this God that I lived my entire life believing in. It had already been such a hard year for me personally, I didn't think I could take any more. I remember crying myself to sleep for months. I remember the pain that I felt, the blow to the stomach that hit me every single day for weeks. I remember wondering how I was going to make it through every day, much less the weeks, the months that were to come. I remember wondering how we were going to make it through birthdays, holidays, without him. I remember wondering how I would ever be able to carry on with my life, knowing that he wasn't going to be around.
Yet, here I am...one year later. We made it through the holidays, the birthdays. We survived. I have carried on with my life, although it hasn't been easy, I have done it. I never thought I would be able to look back at this past year and be thankful for anything---but, I am SO THANKFUL that I have a God who is faithful. He has always come through for me. He has never left me, never forsaken me. There are things that this Quinney family has faced, that many of you may never know about or understand, but I can tell you that because of HIM, we have come through!! No, this journey is not over, but I can look forward with my head held high, with peace knowing that the best is yet to come! I KNOW that my brother will be free. I KNOW that he will share holidays and birthdays with us again, and soon. I know that he will be there when I get married. I am so thankful that I have a God who cares more about us than we care about each other. I am thankful that I have a Father who really does know best. I am thankful that He sees the whole puzzle when I only see the piece in my hand. I am just so thankful!
We are a blessed family, we are a greatful family, we are a changed family!
Blessed to breath again,
Andrea
Yet, here I am...one year later. We made it through the holidays, the birthdays. We survived. I have carried on with my life, although it hasn't been easy, I have done it. I never thought I would be able to look back at this past year and be thankful for anything---but, I am SO THANKFUL that I have a God who is faithful. He has always come through for me. He has never left me, never forsaken me. There are things that this Quinney family has faced, that many of you may never know about or understand, but I can tell you that because of HIM, we have come through!! No, this journey is not over, but I can look forward with my head held high, with peace knowing that the best is yet to come! I KNOW that my brother will be free. I KNOW that he will share holidays and birthdays with us again, and soon. I know that he will be there when I get married. I am so thankful that I have a God who cares more about us than we care about each other. I am thankful that I have a Father who really does know best. I am thankful that He sees the whole puzzle when I only see the piece in my hand. I am just so thankful!
We are a blessed family, we are a greatful family, we are a changed family!
Blessed to breath again,
Andrea
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Done!
I am done with school! Although I was scared out of my mind at the beginning of this journey, I really enjoyed myself, and I learned alot! I finished this semester with straight A's...not bad for someone who had no idea what she was doing when she started! I will not be going back to school until next summer, or the Fall of '13 due to my financial aid issues. I am not really worried about it because God has everything under control, and I am not in a real big hurry to finish this degree. I want to take my time, do well, and enjoy it. And HOPEFULLY I will have a job soon and school would have just been one more thing added to my plate. I have learned that God knows what He is doing, and I just have to trust Him.
It's funny, I guess not really funny, but seeing my life come together...by that I mean, seeing God use me, work through me, in ways I never dreamed. I'm on youth staff at my church now and I can only describe it as "God-ordained." I didn't want to do it, in fact I fought it for months...however, I knew that this is what I was supposed to do, so I just jumped in, I did it...and the rewards have already been amazing. Friendships are blossoming with the youth staff, and relationships are connecting with the youth. I have so many things to offer, so many things to share, so many nuggets of wisdom. More than anything, I want these kids, these girls, to be where I am at in my relationship with God now, in my 30's, while they are teenagers. Imagine! If they can be where I am at with God now, how incredible will it be by the time they are in their 30's??? Wow!
God has given me a voice and so many amazing things to say, and He is opening the doors, and setting the platform for those things. Dreaming with Him, dreaming His dreams for my life have been amazing! There are still so many things that I am waiting for, a job, a car, etc...BUT I know by that trusting Him and dreaming with Him, He will blow my mind! I'm ready! So ready!:)
It's funny, I guess not really funny, but seeing my life come together...by that I mean, seeing God use me, work through me, in ways I never dreamed. I'm on youth staff at my church now and I can only describe it as "God-ordained." I didn't want to do it, in fact I fought it for months...however, I knew that this is what I was supposed to do, so I just jumped in, I did it...and the rewards have already been amazing. Friendships are blossoming with the youth staff, and relationships are connecting with the youth. I have so many things to offer, so many things to share, so many nuggets of wisdom. More than anything, I want these kids, these girls, to be where I am at in my relationship with God now, in my 30's, while they are teenagers. Imagine! If they can be where I am at with God now, how incredible will it be by the time they are in their 30's??? Wow!
God has given me a voice and so many amazing things to say, and He is opening the doors, and setting the platform for those things. Dreaming with Him, dreaming His dreams for my life have been amazing! There are still so many things that I am waiting for, a job, a car, etc...BUT I know by that trusting Him and dreaming with Him, He will blow my mind! I'm ready! So ready!:)
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Almost half-way!!
It's almost July. We are almost half way through 2012. Where has the time gone? I look over this past year and there are so many emotions, so many thoughts that flood my mind. So many things haven't changed. I still don't have a job, I still live with my sister...I get tired of writing all the "stills," but you know what HAS changed? Me. I have changed. He has changed me. He has changed my heart. He has taught, and it times still teaching me, to trust Him with everything. EVERYTHING. I think so many times we as humans trust God with just a few things, it's like we think, "if I can prove to me that He can handle this, then I'll give Him something bigger." HE IS GOD! We trust Him like He is a man, yet we expect Him to come through like He is God. A double standard? We have to trust Him with everything, EVERYTHING. This is hard for me, I don't trust man easily, it has been broken to many times, the wounds have been to deep...but HE IS GOD. He has never wounded me, He has never broken my trust. He has never forsaken me, or made a promise He couldn't keep. He is teaching me to trust Him with everything...a lesson I shouldn't have to learn...yet, He is patient with me. I have to trust Him with my family, Shawn, my future, my job, my life.
He is teaching me to love Him, to truly love Him. To love Him, no matter what. He is teaching me to let Him be my first love, my everything. If I truly fall love Him, then I can truly trust Him. He is my passion. He is my Rock. When I don't understand anything else, I understand that everything I need is in Him. There is no mountain to high, problem to big, struggle to hard, that I can't get through with Him by my side. Friends, He has great plans for me. You have all stood beside me and my family as we have walked through this past year. Some of you have prayed for us, some of you only read this blog to be nosey, some of you have shared in our pain, in my pain. You have laughed, cried, mourned, grieved, rejoiced, and supported me. For that, I will forever be thankful. My journey is not over. If anything, it has just begun. Great things are in store for me, and I am honored that you are choosing to walk through this life with me, whether you be family, a friend, or just someone who desires to know this Jesus that I talk about so often.
Looking back through these blogs, I am reminded of how much God has already truly done. What seemed like the darkest day my family has ever walked through, is turning out to be a great blessing---how can I say that? Because I now have a brother who will enter into the gates of Heaven with me...He won't just "slide in" but He will recieve a crown of many jewels. He has more freedom now than He ever had walking "free." God has moved in amazing ways in His life and in turn is touching men of all races and ages with the freedom that Shawn now has. What Satan has meant for evil, God will turn for good...Shawn is a living, breathing picture of this verse coming to life!
As for the rest of us? We have all learned more about the justice system then any of us wanted to ever know. I can tell you things, answer questions, that I would have never thought possible. We have all walked through this journey together, we have learned things about us as a family, and about us as individuals. We all dealt with this in our own ways, mine just happens to be through this blog. We all have our own story to tell, and I believe that one day, we will all tell our version of this story. I believe that through Shawn's choice and in return His consequence, we all have a story to tell. We, as a Quinney family, are believing in miracles. Not because we are unrealistic, but because we have a God who has promised BIG things, great things. This journey is not over by any means, but we are alot farther along than I ever thought we would be. I will forever be greatful to the Lord for just how much He has done and how far He has brought us. It is only by Him and through Him that we are all still standing...and that is just it, we are all still STANDING!
This year, I am dreaming His dreams for me, I am trusting Him with His plans for my life, every detail. What a ride it has been!
Dreaming His dreams,
Andrea
He is teaching me to love Him, to truly love Him. To love Him, no matter what. He is teaching me to let Him be my first love, my everything. If I truly fall love Him, then I can truly trust Him. He is my passion. He is my Rock. When I don't understand anything else, I understand that everything I need is in Him. There is no mountain to high, problem to big, struggle to hard, that I can't get through with Him by my side. Friends, He has great plans for me. You have all stood beside me and my family as we have walked through this past year. Some of you have prayed for us, some of you only read this blog to be nosey, some of you have shared in our pain, in my pain. You have laughed, cried, mourned, grieved, rejoiced, and supported me. For that, I will forever be thankful. My journey is not over. If anything, it has just begun. Great things are in store for me, and I am honored that you are choosing to walk through this life with me, whether you be family, a friend, or just someone who desires to know this Jesus that I talk about so often.
Looking back through these blogs, I am reminded of how much God has already truly done. What seemed like the darkest day my family has ever walked through, is turning out to be a great blessing---how can I say that? Because I now have a brother who will enter into the gates of Heaven with me...He won't just "slide in" but He will recieve a crown of many jewels. He has more freedom now than He ever had walking "free." God has moved in amazing ways in His life and in turn is touching men of all races and ages with the freedom that Shawn now has. What Satan has meant for evil, God will turn for good...Shawn is a living, breathing picture of this verse coming to life!
As for the rest of us? We have all learned more about the justice system then any of us wanted to ever know. I can tell you things, answer questions, that I would have never thought possible. We have all walked through this journey together, we have learned things about us as a family, and about us as individuals. We all dealt with this in our own ways, mine just happens to be through this blog. We all have our own story to tell, and I believe that one day, we will all tell our version of this story. I believe that through Shawn's choice and in return His consequence, we all have a story to tell. We, as a Quinney family, are believing in miracles. Not because we are unrealistic, but because we have a God who has promised BIG things, great things. This journey is not over by any means, but we are alot farther along than I ever thought we would be. I will forever be greatful to the Lord for just how much He has done and how far He has brought us. It is only by Him and through Him that we are all still standing...and that is just it, we are all still STANDING!
This year, I am dreaming His dreams for me, I am trusting Him with His plans for my life, every detail. What a ride it has been!
Dreaming His dreams,
Andrea
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Today...
So I found out today that my previous school loans have gone into default...which means that I can't get anymore financial aid until I make payments on those loans for 9 consistent months. I'm frustrated. I 'm frustrated at myself for letting this happen, and honestly, I'm frustrated at God for not coming through yet. I'm so tired of hearing, "you'll get a job," "God knows what He is doing," etc. I'm ready to just see it. I'm ready for Him to prove it already. I feel like I have been in this "season" for a really long time and I'm so ready for the sun to shine again! I don't know what He's doing, or what I'm supposed to be learning. I don't know why I even started school in the first place. I am really enjoying it, but what's the point if I can't even finish? Maybe in 9, 10 months, I won't even care to go back. What's the point? I'm so frustrated. I want a car. I want a job. I want my own house. I want money again. I want friends. I want my life back! I'm harder on myself than anyone else is, and I feel like an idiot and a failure. I feel like my life isn't getting any better. Today, I feel useless.
That's today. I know that tomorrow will be different. I know that tomorrow will be hopeful and full of His promises to me, but today is not. I know that He has never failed me. I know that He has never turned His back on me, or not come through for me. I know that He has a plan. I just wish, more than anything, that He would clue me in!
That's all I have today.
Andrea
That's today. I know that tomorrow will be different. I know that tomorrow will be hopeful and full of His promises to me, but today is not. I know that He has never failed me. I know that He has never turned His back on me, or not come through for me. I know that He has a plan. I just wish, more than anything, that He would clue me in!
That's all I have today.
Andrea
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