Hard...

Here I am in this place...this place I never thought I would be. I have no idea what is next, no idea where to go or what to do. What do you do when all your plans, when all the things you've hoped for, all the things you've planned for crumble at your feet? The only thing I know to do is to turn to the Maker of my being, the Lover of My soul. He is the only One who knows exactly where I am, He knows exactly what this feels like. He knows my heart has been completely broken into a million pieces, and He alone can mend it back together. When I can't sleep and when I don't know how I am going to get up in the morning, He is there picking me up and holding my tears in His hands. He has a plan that is far greater than I can ever imagine and even in the pain, His will be done. What if these raindrops are really Your blessings in disguise? What if Your healing through these tears? What if all these sleepless nights are what it's taking for me to know You are near? What is this trial is really Your mercies in disguise?

TO YOU:
I don't remember my life before you, it was only a year, but it was a year that completely changed me. It was a year that I wouldn't trade for anything, no matter what...
For the first time in my life you showed me what it means to truly be loved, completely loved for who I was, for who I am, and for whom you knew I was going to be. You loved me as unconditionally as humanly possible. You were my earthly example of My Heavenly Father's love for me. You are my best friend, the one I cried with, laughed with, and dreamed with. YOu are an amazing man with an amazing future in store. I hope that one day you will see yourself the way that I see you. I hope that one day, when you look in the mirror you will see all the love, strength, courage, gentleness, kindness, and beauty that I see. My prayer for you, is that you will find what you are looking for, that you will find that inner peace, that you will finally be settled in who you are and who you are in Him. Whereever that is and where ever that sends you and whatever that means to you. I love you with my whole being and a part of me always will. If our paths should cross again, then I will love you more, but if this is where our journey together ends, I want to leave you with this---you are an amazing man who has an amazing gift. You have given me the gift of being loved, and that is something that is irreplaceable and I will carry it with me forever. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I pray that we will find the courage to move forward, that we will continue to seek His will above our own and we will find the strength to move on. I pray that the hurts will heal and we will be able to use them to minister to others, and in the hurt we will become a better version of ourselves. I pray that as we seek His will for our lives, we will find that His plans are good, so good. I pray that through this we have learned that true love is a gift, a rare gift, and should we get the chance to give this gift again that we will treat it with the highest of respect. I pray that we have learned to love harder and live greater. Finally, I pray that in the face of questions, opinions, and judgements that we will raise our heads high, and stand firm in our Savior. I will always love you...tidbits.

Broken,

Andrea

The Potters Hand

Isaiah 64:8 says, "Yet, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our Potter and we all are the work of Your hand." (Amplified)

How true this is...just when I think God, the Potter, is just about to perfect His masterpiece, me, finds some imperfection, no matter how large or how small it may be. Instead of just digging it out, covering it up, smoothing it over, the Potter chooses to start over...He smashes me down to nothing but a piece of clay, and he starts all over...it hurts, I hate it, and it isn't fun, but He wants His masterpiece to be just that, a Masterpiece.

This is where my life is right now, in this moment. God just smashed me down, everything I was, everything I knew, everything I had, or wanted, or dreamed about my life, He took it all in His hands and flattened it to nothing, so He can start all over. I hate these times, they aren't fun, they hurt, I think this one has hurt the worst, in fact I know it has, but He never promised it would be easy, He never promised that I wouldn't get hurt, He just promised that He would walk with me through it all. He promised to never leave me. So this is the journey that I am on...one of new discoveries, letting go, holding on, learning to trust His will to be done in Me no matter how hard it is or how long it takes.

This morning on my way to work I listened to this song over and over (accidentally hit repeat, but it must have been a God thing) and I had no idea, until that moment, what exactly this song means to me in this moment of my life:

One Thing Remains by Jesus Culture

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trials and the change

One thing remains

One thing remains

Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I will never have to be afraid

One thing remains

In death and in life I'm confident and covered

By the power of your great love

My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

I hope this song speaks to you as it has, and continues to speak to me. This song, right now in my life, helps me see that God's love is the only true reason that I get up in the morning. There isn't anything, no heart break or break up, or word, or circumstance, or fear, or rejection, or absolutely anything else that will keep God's love from me. No matter what I've done, or what I've faced, there isn't ANYTHING that will keep God from loving me completely and unconditionally!

Have you felt His love for you lately? Have you allowed Him to wrap His amazing arms of love aroung you and meet you exaclty where you are? I encourage you to let Him, there's absolutely nothing like it!

Broken,

Andrea

WIDE AWAKE

David. (to Elijah):


This morning was the first morning I can remember, that I didn't open my eyes and feelthat sadness...I thought the person who wrote that note had an answer for me.





Elijah. (to David)


That little bit of sadness in the morning you spoke of? I think I know what that is. Perhaps you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.





_M. Night Shyamalan's film Unbreakable





Unbreakable is a fictional story about a seemingly ordinary person who discovers he is nothing less than a superhero.





This is an excerpt from a book by Erwin Raphael McManus called "Wide Awake: The Future is Waiting Within You." This book has transformed my life. There are too many amazing people with unfulfilled lived and unfulfilled dreams. Its life we have yet to discover that we are more than we know. I may not know you well, or even at all, but I do know this one thing: there is a hero within you waiting to be awakened. Each one of us has an extraordinary potential that has yet to be awakened. This world, this generation needs us to find the hero within is. We have to choose the BEST life for us. We have to stop sleeping through our dreams!
This world needs us to stop sleeping through our dreams. This generation needs us to dream WIDE AWAKE! Can you imagine what would happen if we stopped sleeping through our dreams and started dreaming while WIDE AWAKE?
Think about it...
I invite you to start dreaming with me wide awake! Let's wake up from our sleep and start putting into reality the dreams God has for us!

Dreaming WIDE AWAKE,

Andrea<><

A New Beginning...

Here we go again...I know I keep promising to be better at this blog thing and then I keep failing...but this time I mean it:) I need this as an outlet. I always seem to write what is in my heart, better than I can speak it. I also tend to be very guarded in what I say, what I share, but I am learning that there are some things that I need to share for myself, and in hopes of maybe inspiring others as well. This life is a journey and I am learning every day how much I need God. He has got to be in complete control of my life, every area, every aspect, or this just doesn't work!
My 32 birthday was on Wednesday. It's so weird because I sure don't feel 32! Every year I always think about the years past...where I am, what I've accomplished, what I have yet to do. This year wasn't any different. I found myself being sad because my life wasn't where I wanted it to be...I spent my bday with my parents...my brother was not around, my sister and nieces are in another town, my boyfriend lives 2 hours away and had to work, etc. I was all sad, etc. However, God really got on to me for dwelling on these things. He is in control and He is preparing me for so many great things! I just have to wait...ahhh...It turned out to be an amazing birthday. My boyfriend, Tracy, made me a cake...and it wasn't just a cake folks, it was a marble cake with fudge icing, white chocolate covered strawberries on top with white chocolate drizzle! It was amazing and it tasted as good as it looked!!:) Thank you baby! My sister and girls made me dinner. Each of the girls made me cards with magazine cut outs of all the things they would buy me if they could and it was all so sweet!:)
I'm excited to see what this new year brings for me and for the ones I love!
So, here's to new beginnings, new challenges, new hopes, new dreams, the reviving of some old ones, new lessons learned, and a new level with God!
I hope you will all share in this journey with me, walk with me as I learn to walk closer with Him. I hope you will share in my triumphs, share in my disappointments, share in the things I learn, and the things I have to share!:)
Love to all!:)

Changes

It's been a while since I have posted something...it is now August. 2010 has been a good year, a much needed improvement from 2009, or even 2008 for that matter. God has proven Himself faithful over and over again. He has promised and fulfilled so many things in my life. I will forever be greatful.
2010 has brought about many changes already. Some have been good, some not so good, but God has been there from the very beginning. I am not the same person that i was. I have grown, I have been hardened in some ways, in some ways I have seen how harsh, selfish, people, organizations can be. Someday I will be able to go into detail about how I have learned this lesson and why it hurts so much, but now is not the time. The best thing about this year is that i have found love, or should I say that love has found me...hiding in a place that I never expected. It is strong and gentle and passionate and hopeful and trusting and so much more...I never believed that it would feel like this, never realized that THIS is what I was missing out on, but so thankful that it left me alone long enough to discover who I am and who I want to become. That I was able to know what I want and wait for it, and friends let me tell you that it has already been so worth the wait:)! Stay tuned...

It's A New Season

My title says everything that I feel...it's a new season. Everyone goes through seasons, some good, some not so good. For those of you who have just gone through a good season, I pray that you were well-rested and strengthened for the season to come---and to those of us who are coming out of a "not so good" season---I pray that we learned whatever the Lord needed us to learn so that we never have to go through this season again!
I know that I learned that God is multi faceted and he loves me. I know you are probably saying, "Duh, Andrea!" But really, have you ever really thought about it? God love me. The God of all creation; the God Almighty, Redeemer, Counselor, the God whose angels cry Holy, Holy, Holy---he loves ME. Not only does He love me, but He desires a relationship with me. He wants to know my desires, he wants me to commune with him, to talk to Him like I would talk to my friends. This God is the God who has never turned his back on me. He has never forsaken me, never lied to me, hurt me, left me, forgot about me, walked away from me, or hated me. He knows nothing but love. No matter what I have done, no matter how many times I have lied, forsaken, hurt, walked away from, or severely disliked Him---he loves me!
This is something that no matter how many times I hear it, or feel it---it is still so overwhelming to me. Unconditional love.
I thank Him for the season that I am coming out of---for the things that I have learned, the tears that I cried, the question that were answered and even those that weren't; and I welcome this new season. Let it be a season of hope, dreams fulfilled, passion, love, desperation, and an overwhelming desire to seek your face and experience you in yet, a completely new way!

THoughts....

You are the Light of My Life.
You are my Joy, My laughter, My grace, my beauty, and my strength.
You are the reason that I sing.
The reason that I dance.
I am who I am because of You.
Others may not understand who You are but I know who You are to ME.
You are my strength in times of weakness, my light in the dark.
My hope when everything around me seems Hopeless.
You are my breath when I'm drowning.
You are my lover when I'm alone and my peace in the midst of the storm.
When I fall, you rise within me.
When I soar, it is You who is carrying me.
When I am hurt, you are my healer.
When I cry, you wipe the tears away.
When I laugh, you laugh with me.
I stand in awe of You, not just of who you are, but who You are in Me.

I want to give You everything. I want to worship you until it hurts, until it physically hurts, until I feel something--pain---so that I can know that my worship cost me something. My worship must cost me something, or it isn't truly worship.
You have changed the very course of my life so that it lines up with the course you have for me. I will not ask questions, I will run with pure abandonment towards Your dreams for Me. I will reach those that You have called me to reach, I will share your love and mercy with those who are dying. I will not judge those who are the easiest to judge because of what they've done---yet I will show mercy as you have shown me mercy.
I will think before I speak. I will love unconditionally, without hesitation.
I will give you all the honor and praise.
It is you who make the blind see, the lame walk, the deaf hear, and the mute speak. It is you who hung the stars in the sky and told the sun and moon when to rise and went to fall. It is you who dug the holes that inhabit the waters and it is you who tell the tides where to stop. It is you who fed the 5000 and still sent the little boy home with leftovers:)! It is you who sent your only Son, your hope for a dying world, placed Him in the earth as a newborn baby, watched Him grow up, falling inlove with Him more and more every minute of every hour of every day. It was You who watched Him be beaten and bruised and then hung on a cross hearing Him cry out, "Father, why have you forsaken me" and breath his last breath. It is you whose heart broke in that very minute as my face passed before your eyes. It was You who wept for me.
It was You who three days later breathed life back into your Son. It was You who rose from the dead. It is You who is Alive.
You died so that I could live and I will die everyday so that You can live in me!